They will always ask
if it is still you.
I will say no.
I am lying.
It is still you.
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
I’ve reached a new level of self confidence and self love, and the people around me notice it too. That feels so good. To remember who I was a year ago today and see who I am now is so promising and uplifting. I’m proud of myself, and I’m proud of myself for doing it on my own. I’ve become so positive and happy and present and independent and free. I am not who I used to be. I fall asleep smiling, thanking myself.
I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.